Internet of Things

they put my toaster on the internet
so I can watch it burn on-line
my wine cooler’s web page tells me
if the wine’s before its time

the smart vacuum cleaner tells me when I missed a spot
and so does the mower, this is some kind of plot
the dishwasher unfriends me if I don’t pre-wash
the toilet bowl tweets when I forget to flush
my car gives my parking a 2-star rating
my air mattress sends a text when it needs inflating
the refrigerator calls me when it needs more food
the floorboards blog about it when they come unglued
the roof offers up content featuring buckets when it leaks
the bird feeder has a pill-count showing all the empty beaks
the driveway writes an article about how to shovel snow
and the yard writes comments about leaves I need to blow
the machine sends me an email when my wash is done
but it still cant tell me where my other sock has gone

my digital assistant called the ambulance when I fell to the floor
the trash can asked me to empty it on my way out the door
the lawn wondered if I’d be back to water it today
as the paramedics lifted me and hauled me away

now the bedpan is buzzing
as it needs to be changed
the nurse says that they have WiFi
and access can be arranged

when they found me unresponsive,
there is one symptom that was showing:
from my cold, dead hands fell my tablet
with its inbox overflowing.